Day 25

Today, I have to check off things on a list to recognize that I will never do them.

Before I do this, I go to a job interview at CVS. This goes so much better than the Burger King interview—I may actually have a shot here!

Then I come home, I go through this list.

Here is what I will never do (and why):

Climb Everest (I could barely make it up the hill to my dorm, there’s no way I could do this.)

Learn Italian (I speak French along with English. Two languages is enough for me.)
Become world chess champion (I fail at chess.)

Rob a bank (that would be a bad thing to do.)

Become a king (not royalty, also a girl. Not that being a girl has always mattered in history, but the not royalty thing is important.)

Walk to the North Pole (can’t walk that far.)

Learn Russian (again, two languages are fine.)

Start a revolution (too apathetic.)

Follow this Book rigorously (too late. And I’m sure there’s other things I won’t do.)

Call my mother/father “Ma/Pa” (just. No.)

Work in a coal mine (I just don’t think I ever will.)

Move to Japan (seems like a cool place to visit, but I like living in the US.)

Visit space (space tourism is not likely to happen before I die.)

Inject heroin (drugs bad.)

Be gay (tried that! No way.)

Grow a beard (were I meant to be a bearded lady, I would need to shave now.)

Master the yo-yo (I can’t do this. I fail at this.)

Become a fitness instructor (that’d require me to enjoy fitness.)

Live for a year on a desert island (actually, this one is possible, but it wouldn’t be my choice.)

Confess to a priest (don’t I need to be religious?)

Graffiti a highway bridge (I’d be a little concerned with the cars and the falling to my death.)

Invade a small country (war is bad.)

Demand a random (I wouldn’t kidnap anyone.)

Say NO when you mean YES (no means no. if you ever let it mean yes, you’re gonna be raped.)

Seduce the prom queen (didn’t go to my prom.)

Paint someone in tar and feathers (that’d be cruel.)

Light a fart (ew.)

Shave off your pubic hair (this is even more ew.)

Smoke a cat (what is this even?)

Win the Nobel Peace Prize (that’d mean I’d have to be peaceful.)

Make love in front of a stranger (that’d be too weird.)

Volunteer for a dangerous mission (I’d be too scared.)

Overdose (no.)

Give birth to a goatboy (well, if I do, I’d probably be in an insane asylum.)

Organize an orgy (I like having just my boyfriend, thanks.)

Marry someone you’ve just/never met (I wouldn’t marry a stranger.)

Discover the lost city of Atlantis (probably not.)

See your face on a banknote (wouldn’t I have to be involved in politics?)

Be eaten by cannibals (no, this one could totally happen, but I’d be eaten after I die.)

Turn 117 years old (I doubt it.)

Update the Kama Sutra (not creative enough for that, really.)

Marry a prince or princess (I just highly doubt this.)

Become pope (not male. Also not Catholic.)

Inherit the crown jewels (I’m sensing a royalty theme here.)

Grow a tail (impossible.)

Take a vow of chastity (too late.)

Fake a multiple orgasm (that’d be stupid. If you fake it, then how’s your guy supposed to figure out how to make it happen?)

Greet the extraterrestrial delegation (only if the ship lands in my backyard.)

Eradicate hepatitis C (I’m not sure which one this is, even.)

Kiss your own lips (to be fair, I tried to do this.)

Shoot the pianist (I don’t even get this.)

Beat Bjorn Bjorg at tennis (I don’t know who this is, also I fail even at Wii Tennis.)

Be the 78th person on the moon (not planning a moon trip.)

Win best-looking baby of the year (not a baby.)

Smoke a Cuban cigar (smoking is bad, I don’t care how fancy the cigar might be.)

Suck on 12 lollipops at once (my mouth is not this big.)

Become immortal (can’t. wish I could.)

Play the lead in Swan Lake (can’t dance. I used to dance a few years ago, then just stopped.)

Catch that bird that pooped on you (the only bird that pooped on me did it some years ago. It’s probably dead now.)

Travel at warp speed (impossible.)

Stab someone in the back (I don’t like violence that much.)

Run an arms dealership (really, nonviolent here.)

Exterminate a zombie (zombies aren’t real.)

Become a superhero (neither are superheroes.)

Floss twice a day (I barely remember to brush my teeth once a day.)

Get drunk on meths (what’s meths, anyways?)

Sacrifice a goat (the poor goat!)

Sleep with a whore of Babylon (wouldn’t that be a female whore? I’m straight.)

Reach Nirvana (too impatient.)

Sup with Satan (again, this’d be something I do after I die.)

Track down Lord Lucan (who?)

Cause an intergalactic riff (only if I do something horrible to those aliens who will never land in my backyard.)

Get away with murder (I couldn’t get away with it, I think.)

Travel back in time (I really do wish I could. But I can’t.)

Face a firing squad (that would be terrifying.)

Have the Midas touch (literally? This is impossible.)

Come out of a black hole alive (can’t.)

Suck your little toe in public (why would I do this?)

Surpass Einstein (I’d have to like math. I don’t like math.)

Look like Einstein (kind of a girl here. I can’t get a mustache.)

Participate in the Olympics (not unless they consider casually watching ‘participating’. I don’t think they do.)

Catch a shark (I don’t think so.)

Commit arson (fire scares me.)

Spot the Invisible Man (he doesn’t exist and how would I do that anyways?)

Regain your virginity (that’s not even possible, is it?)

Change astrological signs (but I’m such a Pisces!)

Bring back Bambi (but wasn’t it Bambi’s mom who died?)

Channel lava away from a village (I’d be more likely to run away.)

Grow a third nipple (ew and impossible.)

Witness the Big Bang (impossible.)

Fiddle while Rome burns (this one is solely because I don’t know how to play the fiddle.)

That’s it.

I’d add the what I could possibly do before dying, but that’s an even longer list. It took my a long time to finish this.

Since that took so much space, I won’t bore you with the rest of the details of my day. It’s been an average day.

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Okay, today has been insane which is why this post is a little late.
Last summer, my job woes ended soon and ended happily. This summer, I have new job woes and just really need money.
Anyone out there know a good way to make money online?