Day 17

Asparagus today.

I can’t eat anything but asparagus.

I’ll buy some asparagus and try it, sure, but I think this day is going to be less about stuffing myself with asparagus and more about not eating.

One day. I can handle it. It’s already almost 2 PM and I’m not hungry.

I’m surviving today by drinking a lot of juices. I get sugars and my daily helpings of most vitamins. Plus, this way I can’t get dehydrated.

Maybe this didn’t fall on the best day as I have a final tomorrow morning. We’ll see how that goes, I guess.

I go to the store, buy asparagus and things I need for the rest of the week, and when I come back, I’m starving.

No, really. I can’t describe how hungry I am right now. I’m lightheaded and dizzy, and I can’t stop crying. Why am I putting myself through this?

I’d break down and eat something if I wasn’t more afraid of bad luck.

I feel like I’m going to throw up. Is that even possible when I’m so hungry?

Good thing about this is I know now I can never ever be anorexic.

I get online, and I want to talk to Mike, but he leaves.

I want to tell him that I’m so hungry and I want him to tell me that I need to eat and that the bad luck won’t be so bad, but I only get to say hi and bye.

I should probably text him, but I just can’t.

I feel completely ashamed of myself for sticking to this stupid book’s instructions. I don’t want to tell anyone what I’m doing, but I want someone to know and to tell me to eat something.

I don’t think I’m going to survive today.

I keep picking up the phone to text Mike, then putting it down because I’m ashamed.

I need food!

I finish the paper I have due tomorrow.

It probably sucks, considering that I didn’t understand any of the books it’s on, and I wrote it while so hungry.

But that’s not important, what’s important is that it’s seven pages!

Besides, one final paper won’t affect my grade too much—at least, it’s not the difference between passing and failing here. I’ve got a solid A- in this class, if I bomb this I’m not failing.

The relief of this being done helps with my headache a little bit—and hey! It’s almost time for dinner, which is asparagus yeah, but it’s food.

I guess this is a good way for me to like asparagus. I’m so desperate for food right now.

I print out that whole paper and then realize I forgot the page numbers. Argh.

I text Mike, telling him I haven’t eaten and I’m dizzy. I shouldn’t be putting myself through this, I know, but for some reason I am.

I feel like a horrible person. I don’t know why. I want to pass out.

I’m so weak, and I hate myself. I should be able to live off my fat for a day, I’ve certainly got enough of it.

Or, completely other side, I know starving myself like this is bad. I’m weak because I’m too scared of bad luck to eat. Really, it’s bad luck either way here. There could be a wasp in my room, or I could pass out from hunger.

I’ve got a final tomorrow morning. Shouldn’t I be having a good meal tonight and a good night’s rest?

I break down and text Mike.

I go prepare the small bit of asparagus I have. I need to eat something.

A package of microwave asparagus, with butter and salt to flavor it.

It’s actually pretty good. Or maybe I’m just that hungry. Probably the latter.

I’m going to eat some other food later. I’ve fulfilled the spirit of today’s requirement—eating a quarter pound of asparagus is going to make my urine pretty foul. And since the book said to eat nothing but asparagus to see how noxious my pee can get, I’m doing that.

Plus, it only said all day long. Nightfall, I’m having a feast of real food.

Once the initial hunger pangs are gone, I realize that asparagus is really really awful.

I could probably handle it as a side dish in the future, but I am never eating this much at once again.

I have never appreciated food so much. I feel sorry for people who have to starve, who aren’t doing it for some silly reason like a book tells them to.

This actually makes me want to eat more. I should really appreciate what I can by eating it.

But now I think I’m going to throw up. Too much asparagus.

Mike texts back, telling me to eat something else. (He already knew about the asparagus thing.) So with validation from him, I will. As soon as my stomach settles. This is really gross.

A wasp gets in my room.

Wtf book? I haven’t even eaten anything else yet! Why do I get the bad luck now?

So I eat some donuts. I feel good and oh hey, no more wasps.

The rest of the night, I really appreciate food. Food is good.

Asparagus is nasty. I go to the bathroom and oh wow that’s foul.

My parents call, and tell me I got a letter saying I did not get the job I wanted for the summer.

That’s my bad luck? Really?

I start crying. Seriously, my desire to survive today shouldn’t have meant that I lost the one last hope of getting a summer job.

Maybe this is one big coincidence. But it’s still bad.

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I don't do well with not eating.
Actually now, I'm a lot better with it. I still don't like going hungry but I won't have a panic attack each time.