Day 21: Patriotism Day

Day 21

Today, I am supposed to be patriotic.

So I do things all-American.

I skip breakfast, as many American people do when they’re on crazy diets to achieve the ideal body.

I help my parents load the boxes from my room into the Jeep—an American car, of course. And packing up at the end of the school year seems a typical American college activity.

I eat chicken fingers and fries for lunch, skipping those foreign foods like pizza and burritos.

While shopping at Target, I hum the national anthem. Honestly, I don’t even realize I’m doing this at first, I am just that American.

I go to hang out with Mike. I’m sad because I’m soon not going to see him as often, so I bring him a gift to remember me by. It’s a stuffed animal—the Linux penguin. Mike is pretty much obsessed with Linux, constantly telling me how it’s so much better than Windows. (I’m pretty sure he would want me to tell all you who are reading this to follow his example and install Ubuntu on your computer. Right now.)

Mike says he’s hungry, and he’ll make some food. He’s going to make hamburgers, cooked over a fire.

What’s more American than that?

It takes him about two hours to build the fire. It’s a windy day, and the wood just won’t catch. He actually pours lighter fluid over the already-burning fire to make it bigger (while his sister stands by with a garden hose just in case). It makes a nice fireball, but then doesn’t help much.

Finally, he makes the burgers. They are delicious.

While the fire’s still going, I roast a couple of delicious marshmallows. Another wonderful American food. (I think.)

Mike and his sister and I watch a few episodes of Doctor Who. Okay, this isn’t American, I know. But it is such a good show.

I’m feeling like maybe I’m not doing enough, but there’s no bad luck yet.

In fact, I get a text from my parents with good news! I have a job interview. Okay, so it’s for Burger King, but it is an interview!

Then, Mike takes me back to my dorm. We listen to Party in the USA while driving, an appropriately patriotic song. Mike knows all the words, and seems embarrassed to admit this. (And I probably just embarrassed him again. Sorry, Mike!)

We watch some Buffy, a good American show, then we do what every American person is obsessed with.

Sex, if you didn’t get it.

(a note to my parents who I know are reading this: I’ve probably told you by now that I slept with Mike or you figured it out, but if not, don’t worry, we used protection, we're being really safe.)

And then we watch the movie that most accurately chronicles teenage girls in American high schools. Mean Girls.

I’m saying most of the lines along with the movie. Mike doesn’t know the movie as well as I do, but he surprises me when he exclaims, “She doesn’t even go here!” at the right moment.

Then Mike leaves. I get into my pajamas, which happen to be red, white, and blue.

Today I was proud to be an American.

Now I can go back to being cynical about my country.

--

I don't like being patriotic. I can be proud of my country without maniac loving it.

I even hate the 4th of July. I don't like crowds, barbecue, or fireworks.