Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Day 174: Still grieving


Day 174
Today I’m supposed to pay attention to my body hair, so I don’t shave.
Instead of telling you about my boring day, please read this little piece I wrote about my dog:
My dog is dead.
Molly is dead.
I don’t want to admit it.
I have to.
It hurts so bad, you know? She was there for me for 11 years and now she’s gone.
I know there’ll be another dog soon. But I can’t deal with one right now. Right now it would be a replacement.
There will never be another Molly.
I have to realize that and accept it.
That’s the hard part of grieving.
I keep idly thinking about going home and seeing her run around. I keep thinking that she’ll be there when I’m back home. But she won’t be.
I still find dog hair everywhere. It’s on my clothes right now.
I keep remembering how cute she was, how much she loved us. How she was really my best friend.
And now she’s dead. She’s gone. She’ll never be back.
Do you know how hard that is to understand? It’s impossible.
Death is a part of life, blah blah blah. It hurts and that’s all I know.
I thought I was ready. She was sick for over a year. I thought I’d understand it and be okay.
But it was too sudden. A year and a half of knowing and preparing and it was still too sudden.
It feels empty. It feels like, okay, what do I do now? Now I don’t have a dog. Who will run around the yard chasing squirrels? Who will be the one eating up all our table scraps?
I don’t know how to function anymore.
I’m like a robot here. I’m going to class, I’m hanging out with Mike, but it’s not the same. It’ll never be the same again.
She was just a dog. Who knew it could hurt this much?

--

We do have a new dog now, and I love her, and having her around helps.
But I still find Molly's hair everywhere. she did shed a lot.

0 comments:

Post a Comment