Day 16

Today, I’m supposed to discreetly flip people off.

This is fun.

I spend the day scratching my head with my middle finger, extending that finger as I carry my bag, and no one seems to notice. Discreet win.

Today is my last day of classes. I have a conference with my writing teacher to start the day.

She says I have a talent for creative writing, and I should definitely be taking a creative writing class next year.

There are few moments in my life when my dream of being a writer feels completely validated. This is one of those moments.

I could really be an author someday.

I go to the House class, and lament with Ariel about how we’re going to miss this class. How fun is it to watch TV in class and make up ridiculous nicknames for everyone there? I will so miss that.

Later, I have my very last class of the semester—the wonderfully awful computer literacy class.

The power goes out in the middle of class. It’s warm and dark in the room, and I really want to sleep.

Luckily, the class lets out early.

I return to my room, and don’t leave the rest of the night.

Glee is on tonight, so that’ll be a good thing.

--

Huh.
I'm reading all these other blogs I follow, they're all inspirational, and I'm writing about flipping people off.
Okay then.

Day 15

I’m a lesbian today.

This is hard. I can’t ignore Mike, I have a date planned with him.

I think. Those plans are a little fuzzy.

I wear a dress today. Apparently my inner lesbian is girly, or it’s ‘cause it’s just so hot today.

I talk to a girl on the bus. She’s in my writing class, so we talk about that. I’m not sure if I’m flirting or just talking, but I think if I call it flirting I’m technically good for today.

But I want to go back to being straight now. For Mike.

When I do see Mike, it’s so hard not to kiss him. I want to be close to him, but the closest I can get is a hug.

The museum we planned to go to is closed, so we go to a nearby market instead. He gets a sandwich, I get a cupcake. It’s not a good cupcake, and I’m sad about that.

When we get back on the bus, I manage to convince someone I’m a lesbian. I’m talking to Mike, who suggests I flirt with a nearby girl, and I tell him, “Just because I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean I’m not me. I’m still too shy to flirt.”

The guy sitting in front of us gives me a strange look, so yay, I convinced him!

I have dinner at Mike’s house, and then he takes me to a nearby ice cream stand. He’s been talking up this place for weeks, and then it’s just plain old soft-serve. I’m disappointed.

We watch House together, then return to the dorm.

What happens next, probably shouldn’t have happened, considering I’m not supposed to be attracted to guys today.

But I love Mike. I can’t say no to him.

--

Today didn't really teach me how hard it is to be discriminated against, which I'm guessing was the point.
It did teach me how hard it is to hide your sexuality, which is what a lot of people in the closet are struggling with. I can't imagine how afraid of coming out they have to be to be able to go through that. It sucks.
I remember the museum we were going to visit. We didn't end up going till about a year later, and then it wasn't that great.

Day 14: A Day of Compliments

Day 14

Today, I’m supposed to give compliments all the time.

I’m hanging out with Mike today. I give him plenty of compliments, because he is my boyfriend and I love him.

We go to a Renaissance Festival, and leave after five minutes. It sucks.

It’s just renaissance performances, and not even good ones, and some food they won’t let us buy during the performances.

We head to Panera afterwards to get actual food.

We walk around for a while, and it’s hot and humid and miserable.

Finally, we head back to the dorm. It’s still hot and humid, but less miserable.

I stop with the compliments. But I do comment to a girl in the bathroom that she has a nice dress. I guess that’s in the spirit of the day.

--

I don't see anything wrong with constantly complimenting people, but I won't force myself to do it again. it was weird.

Day 13: Send a Letter to a Mass Murderer

Day 13

Today, I’m supposed to send a letter to a mass murderer.

I won’t do this one. I can’t.

I’m a young college girl. I’m the ideal target for any murderer. Why would I give my name and address to someone who I know would kill me?

I get that the book wants me to do risky and crazy things, but this is not a good idea.

I’ll accept my bad luck for today. I just cannot do this.

A wasp gets into my room.

I’m terrified of wasps. I 100% believe they only exist to kill me.

Is this my bad luck for not doing what the book said?

I just don’t want to die here. Whether it’s from a wasp or a crazy mass murderer.

Can today just end already? It’s just barely noon and that’s the start of my bad luck. What’s next? I get run over by a car?

My bad luck continues when my computer won’t recognize 2 DVDs I want to watch.

I send a ‘psychic’ letter to Charles Manson, basically recognizing that he’s done something that caused a lasting impact on our culture, but I don’t like him for it.

My luck actually somewhat improves after that.

--

Oh God I remember that wasp.
It was one of the three-inch long kinds, and was RIGHT ON MY WALL NEXT TO MY BED.
I seriously have spheksophobia, and apiphobia. True, they've never been diagnosed as phobias, but the definition is that it interferes with my everyday life, right?
So when I'm terrified to even leave my room on sunny days and break down crying when one gets in my room, I'm pretty sure that qualifies as an actual phobia.
I've always been this scared. I've always screamed, had panic attacks, had meltdowns around wasps and bees. It's not fun, but I can't make it go away.

Day 12

Today’s task is simple—check off my type so that I know what it is when I get drunk at a party.

I check off “Mr. Nice Guy” and “Handsome prince”. I feel like I should write a note in there to remind myself that hey, I have a boyfriend, I don’t need to know my type.

But I don’t write that—I’m just going to bet I don’t get so drunk I forget I have Mike. I don’t drink, anyways.

I head to my one class for the day, and that passes quickly.

Then I head to the bus stop. I’m going to meet Mike.

I’m going to a potluck for his church group with him. Should be fun.

The potluck is okay. Good food, and by now I know most of the people there (the kids, anyways. I don’t know all the adults). There is sort of an awkward moment when they’re all praying and I’m just sitting there, but what else should I expect? It’s their church group. I sit quiet and try not to interrupt them.

One of the parents there mentions us going to visit the old ladies last week. Apparently they thought Mike and I made a cute couple. I like hearing this.

Later, Mike and I return to my dorm.

I won’t tell you what we do, but I will say that I love him. So much. And I don’t like that he’s now gone, because I want to be with him still.

--

I still feel awkward and uncomfortable around people praying.
I mean, I know well enough to be quiet and respectful, but still. I feel like I'm intruding on a private moment by being there.

Day 11

Today, I am supposed to talk to someone who I know by sight, but have never spoken to them.

I try to talk to this girl in my writing class. She sits next to me every day, and I don’t even know her name.

But then I notice that she’s drawing a caricature of a black person, and her drawing has really big lips. I can’t say anything to her, I know all I would be able to say is something terrible, and I’d cause a big scene in the class.

Besides, she’s racist. She doesn’t deserve my attention.

Not that I’m even black. I’m pretty much as white as they come. And I can’t say I’m offended on behalf of other people, as I know that ends up being even more offensive. But seriously, anyone knows a drawing like that is just wrong.

Between classes, I go to the bathroom and realize that my period has soaked through my underwear and stained my jeans. Thank God for dark denim, no one notices. But still, this convinces me that I should’ve talked to that girl. Not following the book’s task is bringing me bad luck.

I hide in my room for most of the day. I’ve got bad cramps and I just don’t want to deal with people.

But I bring myself out of my room for another class later. There, I talk to the girl I sit next to and I learn her name for the first time, but I’ve talked to her every day. This doesn’t count.

And so my bad luck continues. I go to the convenience store to redeem a coupon for Ben & Jerry’s ice cream—and they don’t have any Ben & Jerry’s. I’m sad.

There’s a floor meeting in my dorm tonight. I forget about it and show up late.

When it’s over, though, I finally manage to seek out someone to introduce myself to. She lives on my floor and is in one of my classes and I never speak to her.

I learn her name’s Emma. We talk for a short time about where we’re living next year, then head back to our rooms.

I get an email then saying one of my classes tomorrow is cancelled. So now I’m convinced—the book is bringing me good luck when I follow it.

--

I don't remember this day at all, isn't that weird?
it's weird looking back on what happened a year ago. Such a mundane day.
Last night there was a riot outside my dorm because of Bin Laden's death. That is a day that will be remembered. But the year before won't.

Day 10: Meet Jonas Day!

Day 10

Today is basically an ad for the book (yeah, the one I’ve already bought and been reading for 10 days).

It’s a story about someone who followed the book’s instructions and it tells me to check out thiswebsitewillchangeyourlife.com.

So I do.

All I learn is that I’ve got the 2004 version of the book.

The story about the person who followed the book says he lost his girlfriend and got arrested.

I don’t want to get arrested. And I really want to keep Mike.

My day is extremely boring, perhaps because today’s task is boring.

There is an interesting moment where my fingers turn purple, but all that makes me do is turn up the heat in my dorm.

--

This dude comes back in the next book but I'm supposed to marry him.
Anyways. Still don't really care about what happened this day.