Day 193: Spend today in the sun

Day 193

Today I’m supposed to spend as much time as possible in the sun. But it’s below 40 all day.

So I just open the windowshade in my room. I don’t like doing this normally because the glare gets right on my computer screen, but today I’m supposed to get the sunlight.

Other than that, it’s just a normal day. But I do go to dinner a little bit early so I can catch the last bit of sunlight before it sets, and I happen to meet one of my friends from last year and I eat with him. We talk about my book that I’m writing (NaNoWriMo started today) and we talk about classes and it’s all good.

I think that’s the end of my day, but as I’m eating some of my leftover candy, I realize, oops I have a tooth missing. Shouldn’t’ve eaten Milk Duds.

Okay, it’s a fake tooth. I was born missing a tooth in the back of my mouth. So I have a fake one implanted, and it broke off.

I call my parents to get them to schedule an emergency appointment with my dentist. Plus I have to wish my mom a happy birthday.

--

I now love being in the sun that comes in through the window. I'm in a building that faces a different direction. North vs east. So I don't have blinding sun in the morning and then nothing, I have hwonderful sun all day long.

Day 192: Incest

Day 192

Today I’m supposed to explore the idea of incest.

I’ll be honest, this completely creeps me out. I don’t want to do it.

Since it’s Halloween, I’m celebrating today. Mike’s coming over and we’re going to watch horror movies and pig out on candy and just hang out. It’ll be fun.

Plus I’m making the chili my mom makes every year.

Mike’s late, and I get all worried that it’s because of me. I find out later that no, he was just as eager to get here but he couldn’t. I freaked out over nothing.

Anyways, to fulfill today’s requirement, I ask Mike to do that ‘who’d your daddy’ thing. And it just really creeps me out like I’d expected. More than the horror movies, actually.

--

I know it's not Halloween, this was written a year ago, blahblahblah.
Little late because of the power outages today.

Day 191: Bury a treasure

Day 191

Today I’m supposed to bury a treasure.

I wanted to make a geocache, but without Mike being here today, I can’t.

So I plan to drop one in a geocache that I know where it is.

I spend most of the day watching horror movies. I like Child’s Play and The Exorcist. I hate Paranormal Activity. Apparently I prefer the classics. Or Paranormal Activity is just a sucky movie.

Anyways. I do go out to a cache at night and try to drop a penny in it, but there’s just so many people around! It seems like every drunk person on campus (which is pretty much every person) walks by me. So I bury the penny in some dirt and give up.

And more horror movies and talking to friends for the rest of the night. Good day.

--

I'm going to a concert toniiiiiight. :D

Day 190: Follow directions [and geocaching]

Day 190

Today I need to follow some directions to take a walk.

It leads me pretty much where I want to go—into town. Mike’s here and we’re going to go geocaching again, but he left his GPS in his car in town.

Unfortunately, the stupid directions took me up the hill. That stupid hill that I lived on top of last year and purposely chose to live at the bottom to avoid walking up it this year.

It’s as terrible to walk up as I remember.

But I do make it, and then I even make the walk back to campus for geocaching. We find two caches today, and one of them’s this awesome one that has a lot of clues leading to one inside the library. It’s so cool.

Then, Mike and I make some cookies. They don’t turn out right and I pout but Mike and I end up having a dough fight and it makes everything better, him just being silly.

Then we go to the mall, and I spend way more money than I should on books. I like books.

We spend some more time together before Mike has to leave. He’s got a job interview in the morning so he leaves pretty soon.

--

I love geocaching, but there's only a narrow time in which we have to do it while I'm at school. Just until a month or two. And since Mike's been working every weekend, we missed it.

Day 189: Read the Bible

Day 189

Today I’m supposed to read a passage from the Bible while I’m in the bathroom. Something about not letting my time on the toilet go to waste.

Ironically, I have most of my spiritual moments on the toilet. Is that weird? It’s mostly just that I’ve got a moment to myself, and I can freely think about whatever I want. I don’t go to church, so there’s no other time I think about religion really.

Also, I tend to read on the toilet anyways.

Interesting thing about today: I walked right past the governor. I didn’t even notice because Lady Gaga had just come on my iPod.

--

fight with my boyfriend, can't concentrate on the past right now

Day 188: Get a life coach

Day 188

Today I’m supposed to get a life coach.

I instead decide to go see my advisor. But I don’t like my advisor, so I go to the peer advising center.

I think the guy there was hitting on me. He was asking what I’m doing this weekend, will I be going to any parties. He was sort of cute, but I mentioned really fast that I have a boyfriend.

Anyways, I figured out I’m going to ask the department head for a new advisor, one that actually helps me.

Also today I go to an audition for a cooking show on the campus TV network. The girl running the auditions ironically was in my dorm last year, and since I cooked for my dorm like all the time, she knows that I really can cook.

I really love food, and I really want this. Hopefully I get this.

--

Oh yeah, that cooking show. didn't really work out.

Day 187: Pick up litter

Day 187

Today I’m supposed to pick up litter.

Not a bad thing to do, so I will.

I notice that there’s really not a lot of trash around here. I’m walking all over campus and only find two pieces. Later, I go for a walk with Mike and don’t see any trash. It’s weird, I didn’t think that the streets were that clean here. But it’s good.

Anyways, in other news, the Rocky Horror Glee Show is on tonight. And it’s awesome. And it’s two weeks again till the next episode boo.

 --

Glee's not as good now as it was last year, also that episode was a little strange in parts.
However it did make me a fan of the original Rocky Horror. Haven't yet been to a shadowcasting, but I've seen the movie a few times by this point.

Day 186: Make yourself clean

Day 186

Today, I need to make myself clean.

So I take a shower. What else am I supposed to do, now I’m squeaky clean.

I go to class, actually stay awake for once, and wait for Mike to be here.

He isn’t here as early as he said he’d be and I’m sad.

But then he gets here. We go geocaching again, this time on campus. We find 2 more caches.

It’s fun. I like spending time with Mike and geocaching.

--

So much stuff is going on today

Day 185: Join a political party [ECOAGA]

Day 185

Today I’m supposed to join a political party.

I don’t do that. But I do decide to create my own party.

ECOAGA. Stands for Everyone Chill Out And Get Along.

Today I see Mike and we go geocaching. It’s so much fun. We search for 7 caches and find 5 of them. Pretty good for just starting, really.

--

I still support ECOAGA.

Day 184: Are You Witty?

Day 184

Today I need to write down everything I say and see if I’m witty.

The first person I talk to is the janitor, who yells at me because I need to brush my teeth when he cleans the showers. What I said then is, “I’m only brushing my teeth!”

I then took the bus to see Mike, and didn’t talk to anyone on the way. When I saw Mike, we talked about food mostly. I hadn’t eaten by this point.

I don’t talk much when I’m at Mike’s house either. I complain to him a bit because I’m still hungry.

Then Mike’s family takes us to a corn maze, which is fun. There’s lots of talking while we’re in the maze, nothing particularly witty that I can remember (or will admit to saying). But the maze is really fun.

And since I’ve been back in my dorm, I’ve spoken to no one.

I did just get a package from the cluster office, but all I said was “I’m here to pick up a package.” Boring, right?

I’m normally actually pretty witty. Except today apparently.

Day 183: Sense-less Day--Smell

Day 183

Today I’m not supposed to use my sense of smell.

I do try not to, but I don’t want to purposely block up my nose. So I just don’t sniff things.

I spend so much time with Mike today. We do a lot. We hang out, explore the library on campus a bit, then I go to class. And after that, we go to Mike’s sister’s fundraising spaghetti night, and then to the mall so I can buy my mom’s birthday gift. (technically, supplies for making the gift. She’s getting a pincushion.) And then Mike and I return to the dorm and watch some TV.

It’s a long, Mike-filled day. Nothing happens with today’s task, until Mike starts smelling some candles at the mall and wants me to smell them too, and I have to refuse.

I am still kind of curious what the candles smelled like.

--

Yes, he went to the candles on purpose just to annoy me.

Day 182: Relive your childhood

Day 182

Today, I have to relive my childhood.

I decide to eat a bunch of junk food and watch a lot of Disney. So basically, it’s a typical day.

I have a pretty good day. Classes don’t suck, plus I find $20 lying on the ground. Yay!

And then I get to see Mike. Yay for Mike.

And the junk food and Disney movies are really nice too. But like I said, that’s pretty much normal for me.

--

I wanna watch a Disney movie now. but I'm in the middle of my horror movie marathon to get ready for Halloween.

Day 181: Petition

Day 181

Today I’m supposed to petition to get a street named after me.

I don’t know. It’s supposed to be the street I live on but I don’t know what street I live on. Really. It’s kind of sad.

So I don’t do this.

I have a blah day. No Mike, no nothing interesting at all. The highlight of my day is finding out I got a B- on my food science test. Pretty good for still being shaken up over Molly.

--

it is fking early

Day 180: Tourist

Day 180

Today I’m supposed to be a tourist.

The only interesting thing here is an exhibit at the library but I told Mike I’d go to that with him.

There’s also a natural history museum at Amherst College and a children’s picture book museum at Hampshire, but again, things I want to do with Mike.

So I make plans when I will see these things.

They’re both open on weekends, the natural history museum closes at 4 and the picture book art museum at 5. Okay, I’ll talk to Mike when I can and we’ll work out seeing these.

--

I am sick of doing these so early in the morning. I am sick of having to wake up early. how soon till Thanksgiving?

Day 179: Take your temperature

Day 179

Today I’m supposed to take my temperature constantly throughout the day and see how it changes. Okay, simple, and I get to find out my average temperature.

However, I’m freaked out today. I just realized I have two papers due in two days without any work done on them.

It’s not that I’m so far behind. They’re weekly reports, and since we skipped a class last week due to Columbus Day, two are due at once. I meant to still do one each week, but with Molly last week, I couldn’t do it then.

So a few days ago I decided to do two at once. But today I realized that the stupid book gives the paper topics out of order and I’ve been working on two that I can’t turn in till next month. I’m going to die.

--

I really hated that class, but I passed it.

Day 178: Go through a phase

Day 178

Today I have to go through a phase. I choose a spoiled phase.

I take the bus in the morning to visit Mike. He doesn’t pick me up from the bus stop right away so I pout.

I whine and complain and make Mike do things for me—make lunch for me, let me use his computer while he’s doing chores. (I do explain to him about the book and that I’d be okay with him not doing things for me.)

We go to a haunted hayride. It’s fun and terrifying. There’s some of the effects that aren’t so good, and there’s some that are frightening. Cast members get onto the wagon and scare us, and one with a chainsaw asks me if I wanna die and it freaks me out.

After the hayride, there’s a haunted house. This is scarier, people jumping out at us and giant animatronic things that scare us. One’s a T-Rex and that one’s actually pretty cool.

I love it. Being scared is fun.

--

Today I woke up at 1:30 pm and I feel weird. yeah.

Day 177: Seduce someone out of your league

Day 177

Today I’m supposed to seduce someone way out of my league.

I decide to seduce Mike. I know, that’s cheating, he’s my boyfriend already, but I’d say he’s out of my league. If we weren’t dating, I’d definitely be too shy to even talk to him.

So I don’t tell him what I’m doing, and while he’s at work I send him some flirty texts. I think I’m pretty successful, but pretending I don’t know how he’ll react is kind of fun.

Other than that, it’s a stay in the dorm watching TV kind of day.

--

Nothing to say today.

Day 176: Free Pet Day

Day 176

Today is “free pet day”. I’m supposed to make a lost dog sign and see if anyone claims to have found my puppy.

I don’t want a new dog now. I don’t want anything to do with dogs.

But I’ll write a little ad.

LOST: black and white small dog, answers to the name of Molly. Very friendly but very shy. I love her and I miss her so much.

I was going to go to a haunted hayride with Mike today, but when we get there, it’s closed. So I manage to convince him to watch a horror movie with me instead—Nightmare on El Street. It’s so good.

Plus we’re going to go to the hayride Sunday instead.

When I’m back in my dorm, I notice there’s an alert out for some guy who’s committed two assaults today.

And of course I only hear about this after I walk back to my dorm alone in the dark? That’s nice.

--

Halloween was pretty cool last year, got to do a lot with Mike.
This year, he's working more. I'm glad for him that he's getting more money in and he has a job he likes, but I miss him.

Day 175: Go on strike

Day 175

Today I’m supposed to go on strike, so I skip one of my classes. It’s a lecture class, and I feel that the structure of lecture classes is really not conducive to the learning environment, so I refuse to go today.

I do go to my other classes. And I hang out with Mike in the afternoon.

And this is the first day that I have not cried about Molly.

--

I'm sick right now but I have a midterm today.

Day 174: Still grieving

Day 174

Today I’m supposed to pay attention to my body hair, so I don’t shave.

Instead of telling you about my boring day, please read this little piece I wrote about my dog:

My dog is dead.

Molly is dead.

I don’t want to admit it.

I have to.

It hurts so bad, you know? She was there for me for 11 years and now she’s gone.

I know there’ll be another dog soon. But I can’t deal with one right now. Right now it would be a replacement.

There will never be another Molly.

I have to realize that and accept it.

That’s the hard part of grieving.

I keep idly thinking about going home and seeing her run around. I keep thinking that she’ll be there when I’m back home. But she won’t be.

I still find dog hair everywhere. It’s on my clothes right now.

I keep remembering how cute she was, how much she loved us. How she was really my best friend.

And now she’s dead. She’s gone. She’ll never be back.

Do you know how hard that is to understand? It’s impossible.

Death is a part of life, blah blah blah. It hurts and that’s all I know.

I thought I was ready. She was sick for over a year. I thought I’d understand it and be okay.

But it was too sudden. A year and a half of knowing and preparing and it was still too sudden.

It feels empty. It feels like, okay, what do I do now? Now I don’t have a dog. Who will run around the yard chasing squirrels? Who will be the one eating up all our table scraps?

I don’t know how to function anymore.

I’m like a robot here. I’m going to class, I’m hanging out with Mike, but it’s not the same. It’ll never be the same again.

She was just a dog. Who knew it could hurt this much?

--

We do have a new dog now, and I love her, and having her around helps.
But I still find Molly's hair everywhere. she did shed a lot.

Day 173: Grieve

Day 173

Today, I need to create my own task.

So here’s what I’ll devote today to doing: grieving.

I miss my dog.

I’m skipping one of my classes today—the other I have a test so I can’t really skip it—and I’m just spending the day with Mike.

I feel like such a wreck. I really don’t think I could make it to class today if I had to.

Molly’s gone and I can’t figure out what to do about it. She’s gone. I’ll never be able to pet her or hug her again.

I spend time with Mike, and it helps me feel better. But then tonight I dream of Molly being alive again. It’s sad.

--

I dreamed about Molly for about three weeks straight.
This was not a good point.

Day 172: Worst Day of My Life

Day 172

My dog was just put to sleep.

I don’t even know what to say. My brain is screaming THIS IS NOT HAPPENING NOT HAPPENING NOT HAPPENING.

But she’s gone and I can’t stop crying.

I wasn’t there when she was put down. I was there a few minutes before and seeing her sad sad face. I couldn’t handle it.

I miss her now.

Today’s task is to give up sleep and see what I can get done.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep. I don’t know if I’ll get anything done when I do.

Today’s just. It’s miserable.

I want my puppydog. (she wasn’t a puppy, she was 12, but she’s still my puppydog.)

I wish I could just stop crying.

Right now, I’m stuck in the basement of Mike’s church. He had come to my dorm when I came back to see me and comfort me, then he remembered he had a meeting here. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to this meeting, I’ve been down here for an hour, and the bus back to the dorm leaves in an hour.

And I don’t even have internet.

And I’m still crying.

This sucks.

--

That was the worst day of my life.
I don't want to think about it.

I don't know what the task was that day. I don't care.

Day 171: Sticker

Day 171

Today I’m supposed to put a sticker on a piece of fruit.

Problem is I completely forget about this. Oops.

Also, today is 10/10/10, which is 42 in binary. The geek in me thinks this is AWESOME.

--

Tomorrow will be bad. I remember what happened and I don't want to remember it.

Day 170: Sell something [and sick dog]

Day 170

Today I need to sell something I’ve made.

Today also, my dog was taken to the animal hospital. My parents think she might be put down today.

But after a few hours of crying and worrying, she’ll be okay. For today at least. This is really good.

My parents and I go geocaching in Boston, find some cool little urban treasures.

We also visit Molly in the doggy hospital. She’s doing so much better. It’s too soon to really say, but I think she’s going to pull through this and be okay. Which makes me so happy.

I sold a drawing to my dad for a quarter so I could get through today.

--

She wasn't okay.

Day 169: Speak only in cliches

Day 169

Today I was supposed to only speak in clichés but I really didn’t.

I saw Mike and I came home for the weekend. Good day.

--

Today I'll be seeing Mike and going home for the weekend.
It's kind of weird when the days match up like that.

Day 168: Girls only [and RIP Steve Jobs]

Day 168

Today I need to do things only girls can do.

I wear a bra, I put my hair in a ponytail, I change my shoes three times in the day, I openly talk about sex with another girl, I read Cosmo, and I take my birth control pill.

I feel so girly yay.

Also, I had to see a concert for my music class tonight and it wasn’t really good. That’s all.

--

Steve Jobs died yesterday.
I don't know what to think about it. I'm not exactly sad.
I feel sorry for his family of course, but I didn't really care about the guy.
I'm more shaken by the idea that even those who seem like they'll last forever can just die without warning.

Day 167: Voodoo doll

Day 167

Today it’s raining, and my roommate left the window open. Perfect.

I’m supposed to use a voodoo doll to give someone positive or negative voodoo. I choose to give Mike some good luck.

And hopefully a new job.

Today sucks. Besides my roommate continually opening the window, I have to deal with preparing for a test in food science, having a test in math tonight, and rain.

It is just raining so hard.

--

I hate rain.

btw, Mike did get a new job! Two of them actually. He worked at Six Flags over the summer, and recently got a job working on fixing computers.

Day 166: Autograph

Day 166

Today I need to get a famous person to sign the book.

I don’t meet any famous people. But I do spend the day with Mike, so that’s good!

Also, Glee made me cry tonight. Like a lot of crying. Why do you do this to me, Glee?

(some other stuff did happen today—classes sucked, roommate sucked, Mike even sucked for a while [not in that way, you dirty minded people] but I don’t feel like talking about that, you know?)

--

I hate waking up so early!

Day 165: Eccentricity

Day 165

Today, I’m supposed to develop my very own eccentricity.

And you know what? No. I’m different enough as it is. I’m awesome.

I’m spending the day with Mike. That’s also awesome.

 --

Does anyone else see the underlined part there? I can't get rid of it.

Day 164: Share someone's pain

Day 164

Today, I am supposed to share someone’s pain.

Mike says I’m sharing his pain that we can’t be together today but I’m not sure that counts.

I pretty much stay in my dorm all day. I do wish I was with Mike, so I guess I’m sharing his pain. If he has pain. He isn’t really texting me.

I’m in a crappy mood today. I’m so bored and that’s making me miserable until it feels like all my doubt and guilt and misery is coming out at once and I hate life.

Wah.

I get better though. Probably I’m just pmsing.

--

I slept 6 hours last night. nothing to say.

Day 163: Shoplifting [and morality]

Day 163

Today I’m supposed to shoplift.

I don’t like this. It feels wrong.

Anyways, I’ve decided today I will be cooking all my meals. And I do. Scrambled eggs for breakfast, quesadillas for lunch. I’ll have chicken parmesan for dinner.

I’ve been experimenting with spices and making things taste good. I’m happy.

I have an interview with Delta Xi Phi today, so far the most important step of joining. I hope I do well, I certainly agonize over it long enough. I was told to wear “business casual” and I just really have nothing that works for that. Ugh.

But they tell me that I did well in the interview, and I’ll know in about an hour if I’m in. I really hope so.

I didn’t make it. But now I’m a “friend of” and I can still go to the activities. That’s fun.

I never did shoplift. I’m just not the kind of person who can, you know?

--

It's weird, I could have easily shoplifted if I wanted to, but I didn't.
I'm not the most upstanding moral person but I know what happens to the store when someone shoplifts. It's not just affecting a corporation, it does trickle down to actual people.